Saturday, May 09, 2009

The worst thing in the world is being told you're not good enough. You're good, but not good enough. I have heard that so often in the last 5 months, honestly, it is beginning to become quite old.

Sometimes I wonder why I even care..

Hmph..
Posted by Vodka :: 8:12 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Thursday, October 30, 2008

Passion

Passion is a 7 alphabet word that means hell.
It is the white hot flame that consumes you when all you can see is what you want, with no attention paid to consequences.
It is the buzz in your ear when all you want is to lay your hands on that one person, others be damned.
It is the thin thread of sanity that slips out from under your feet and makes you feel like a wisp of smoke flung around by a storm.
It is the roaring of blood in your veins that makes you feel alive, and so dead... all at the same time.

Passion is the curse of all things human.

Labels: Curse...., Passion

Posted by Vodka :: 9:01 PM :: 3 Comments:

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Saturday, September 06, 2008

Sometimes, the lack of emotion is NOT cute. It is NOT endearing, and it is definitely NOT mysterious. It is downright Annoying.

And oh, when you try to figure out "how far i would go" it only irritates me and makes me want to HANG UP on you.

just so you know.
Posted by Vodka :: 3:41 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Sunday, July 06, 2008

ramblings...

It is almost as though i have forgotten how to write. Everytime my new boss (yes, i know... i will update on that too) mentions writing, i cringe and write myself a note saying "update, you MORON!!" 3 days later, the post it falls out of a book in my bag, to be discovered by me another 4 days later, and already a week has gone by, and nothing has happened.

So I am a post graduate now! (*applause is warranted here, i am very convinced*)
I have a job now (*again....*)

so that's that, i guess.

i had an interesting afternoon today. i met moi today, briefly for a mind numbingly short 5 minutes. She gave me good news, about a certain someone's birthday *ahem*

I also spent a well deserved afternoon off with 2 of my all time favourite people. My brother and a common friend of ours, who i shall call S until i find a better name. we chatted about absolutely nothing, spent a whopping 300 bucks on buying crap and ate a lot of food.

this post was supposed to be about something moving and intellectual. Not happening.

Look for some more such filth in the future.
Posted by Vodka :: 1:37 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Sunday, January 13, 2008

Feeling strongly sometimes isn't enough??

I heard about an article that appeared in the Malayalam version of Top Gear, January 2008. It was written by a Professor of mine, about the difference in the experience of traveling between men and women. She was very emphatic about her opinion. She wrote about how traveling in this country, as an alone women, is a constant battle. From the moment she steps out of the house, to the moment when she steps back in, every single step is a struggle to protect herself, to be recognised as an individual, to be respected for being a woman, and to not be violated in the most basic sense of the word.

The article was read out in class, and there followed the most outrageous conversation i've heard in an open forum. A classmate of mine (needless to say, it was a guy) actually said "I don't think it happens that often nowadays, i've never seen it..." I was shocked anew by the blatantly chauvinistic belief of the country that still prevails. Some men still think women blow things out of proportion, and that most things we say and do are just an example of how emotional and irrational we are.

This post was not supposed to be a male bashing session. What i actually wanted to talk about was another interesting thread that came up in the same discussion. Almost the entire bunch of girls in the class seemed to agree with one of the girls who said, "I think it is time we women started accepting that we're the weaker sex, and learn to protect ourselves, rather than fight it all the time..." or something along those lines. Let me tell you, this is not the first time she had said that. It had come up in another conversation, when we were talking about sexual harassment at the work place, and colleges etc.

Needless to say, my reaction was almost visceral. I was so shocked out of my wits at her candid acceptance of the "weaker sex" dictum that is drilled into our sentimentality since the day we are born. I argued and ranted and reasoned until my throat was sore, but when the whole class of about 15 girls shouted me down, i just stopped talking. But stopping an argument has never stopped me from praying for a bunch of souls who have their whole life philosophy wrong.

When will this world of supposedly under priveleged women learn that 'acceptance' did not gain our country independence? When will they learn that 'acceptance' did not give the African Americans their rights as human beings? When will they learn that 'acceptance' only means you are transferring power automatically to the hands of the few who actually believe they are the ones who can wield authority? When will women learn to be themselves? When will women learn that it is their right to be able to walk down a dark road safely, without having a man escort her all the time?

Angry as I am right now, I have absolutely no intentions of backing up my arguments with facts. I could go on and write about the number of women who have stood up for themselves, and retained their self respect, and earned the respect of the men who have harrassed them. I could write about all the laws we have in place that assure a woman all the kinds of safety imaginable. I could... But I will not.

I will not go silently into the night.
I will not put up with a stare.
I will not ignore an indecent comment.
I shall keep my self respect.
Posted by Vodka :: 2:04 PM :: 17 Comments:

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Thursday, January 10, 2008

my song..

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Posted by Vodka :: 12:55 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Wednesday, November 07, 2007

contd..

(To read the previous parts of this story, please search labels for "Magic and Prophesies")


“I cannot believe we are so late for the concert. WILL YOU HURRY UP?” yelled Lila, shaking drops of rain from her hair as she hurried into the stadium.
“I’m coming. Stop yelling, Lila. It’s only 5:45. The concert doesn’t start until 6:30!” Shouted Neha over the sounds of the passing vehicles. She clattered up onto the steps next to Lila and looked around. “Where is Nikhil?”
“Wasn’t he right behind us? Oh My God, if I’m delayed and don’t get to see their first song because of Nikhil, I am going to…” Lila choked off the threat as she saw Nikhil dodging between cars across the street. Neha watched incredulously as the expression on Lila’s face changed from irritation to what could only be called sappy. Neha looked around at Nikhil. He had a bunch of flowers in his hands. Neha shook her head. This was getting to be more embarrassing than she had expected it to be. Flowers? And Nikhil?

Nikhil wound his way to where they were standing and smiled goofily at Lila. He hesitated, then thrust the bunch of flowers at her. Lila blushed prettily and took it from him. Burying her face in it, she breathed in the scent of the flowers. Neha stared at them for a while, but realized they weren’t paying her any attention. She huffed loudly and turned around to walk away, and walked right into someone. Stumbling, she put her hand out to steady herself. She caught a glimpse of a snowy white shirt before she was grabbed by the arm and dragged to the floor in a heap of wet clothes and drum sticks. “Drum sticks?” Neha thought as she landed painfully on her ankle.

“I’m so sorry. Are you alright?” asked a male voice. Neha shook her head. A drum stick was poking her in the ribs and the other was lodged somewhere in her spine. She was settled well against some one. A very male some one. Blushing, she looked up from the white shirt into the hazel eyes of the owner of the drum sticks.

“He’s not Indian” was her first thought. “Yes he is, and those eyes are gorgeous” were the second.

“If you’re done staring at my eyes, can we get up? It’s just that I happen to be wearing my only white shirt, and it’s getting crumpled” he said, his eyes twinkling. Neha scrambled up, and whimpered, sliding down his length in a dead faint.


Neha opened her eyes, realized it was a bad decision, and promptly closed her eyes again. There was an insistent buzz near her ear, and she wanted very much to swat the fly, but if she lifted her hand, she would hurl. Or something like that. Cautiously, she opened one eye. The world cooperated this time, and stayed up-side-up. Gingerly, she opened the other eye. The buzzing just wouldn’t stop. She turned her head towards it. It wasn’t a fly. It was a phone. A strange phone. Not hers.

“Welcome back… neha, I’m told…?”

Startled, she looked up. Him again. He was still in his impossibly white shirt, albeit slightly crumpled now. Thanks to me, she thought wryly. Smiling, she sat up.

“Neha, yeah. That’s me. What happened? And where am I?” she stopped, and giggled. She sounded like a B-grade Hindi movie. She looked up and saw his eyes crinkling as he smiled at her. Shy and confused, she ducked, and then peeked up at him again. This time he laughed out loud.
“This is the green room of the band. You fainted when you tried standing, so I had to bring you in here… I’m Hari…. though I notice that you didn’t ask” he finished wryly.
“Oh yeah, that was my next question” she laughed, wincing as she tried resting her weight on her ankle.
“Don’t try that. It’s swollen, and will be alright in a week. In the meantime, try not to walk around too much” he said, helping her back onto the couch she had been on until recently.
“Are you a doctor?” she asked, sinking into the welcome warmth of it. “As a matter of fact, I am” he said, and then laughed at the look on her face.
“I’m sure you can see the boot mark on my tongue”, she said, looking around uncomfortably. “No issues. So. Are you a huge fan? Or have you tagged along with the shrew…erm… I mean the other lady?” he said, and she was satisfied to see red creeping up his neck and suffusing his face. She laughed out loud at that and shook her head. “She isn’t as bad as she seems! But yeah, I tagged along with her. She- her name’s Lila- is a huge fan, though”
“Well, whatever else she is, she’s definitely worried about you right now” he observed. Neha thought he was stating the obvious, as Lila’s voice could be heard even above the din of the performance, demanding to know where Neha was and how she was.
“Let’s put her out of her misery, shall we?” asked Hari, and opened the door behind him, to show Lila brandishing one of the drum sticks. When she saw Neha reclining on the couch, she pushed passed him and rushed to her side, talking a mile a minute.
“Oh my goodness, what happened? Are you alright? Why did you faint? Nothing happened, right? Was it someone? Did you…” Belatedly realizing they were not alone, Lila promptly stopped talking and turned around, breathing fire at poor hapless Hari.
“What happened here? I’ve been looking for her, and you, let me tell you, for the last 35 minutes. Will someone tell me what happened?”
“Lila, relax” chided Neha. “I twisted my ankle when I bumped into him, and fainted. Hari has been very nice, he...uh...” stumbled neha, and stopped.
“I have bound the ankle as of now, with a handkerchief, so that she can hobble around, until you can get her to a hospital.” Said Hari stiffly to Lila. Lila had the decency to look abashed.
“Thank you. And I’m sorry” she said softly. Hari looked surprised, but nodded.
“Lila, meet Dr. Hari. Hari, this is Lila, my room mate, and my most best friend” introduced Neha from her perch on the couch. They shook hands.

“Where’s Nikhil?” asked Neha, sitting up and looking out of the open door.
“He’s holding my place in the concert” answered Lila, checking her reflection in the mirror. “Will you be able to walk there? Or do you want to go home?” she asked, looking concerned.
“I’d rather go home. But you stay and watch. I’ll get a cab home” said neha, standing up.
“No way am I letting you take a cab home now. I’ll drive you. Its alright, I can always listen to their music in the car” said Lila, picking up Neha’s discarded handbag from the floor.
“May I…?” interrupted Hari. Both girls looked at him enquiringly.
“I am not a fan, and only tagged along with a couple of friends. I could take you to a hospital, and then drive you to your house.” Lila stared. Neha blushed.
“And why would you do that?” asked Lila suspiciously.
“Lila...” hissed Neha.
“No, don’t stop her. I’m glad she’s worried. It shows that she cares. I could give you my senior doctor’s number at the hospital I work in, and you could check out if I have any police record. Or if I’m a secret cross dresser” said Hari, with a very straight face. Lila burst out laughing, and then broke off.
Grinning, hari continued. “I live near the market so-“ and stopped. Both the girls had gasped and Neha leaned on Lila.
“Did you just move there?” asked neha tremulously.
“No. I moved there about 3 months ago. Why?” he asked, looking quizzically between the 2 girls. Neha closed her eyes. Lila shook her head mutely. Hari stared at them.

Suddenly his whole body became rigid, and the expression on his face changed from confused to shocked. “Are you… No you can’t… But… Oh my God…” he whispered and grabbed for the chair behind him. Lila deposited Neha on the couch and hurried to his side. Hari smiled tremulously up at her and held on to her hand tightly.

“Lila?” came Nikhil’s voice from outside the door.
“yeah, I am here, come in Nikhil” said Lila. Nikhil walked in and stopped at the sight that welcomed him. Neha looked around at Lila and Hari. Hari was leaning on the counter and Lila was holding his hand tight and supporting his shoulder. Neha shot a look at Nikhil. He smiled at her and looked quizzically at Lila. Lila nodded her headed slightly and smiled at him. He nodded back and walked over to Neha.

“So… what’s up?” he asked easily. Neha relaxed against him.
“Nikhil, meet Hari. Hari, this is Nikhil. Nikhil is our neighbour and my boyfriend. Hari is…” Lila stopped and looked enquiringly at Hari.
“Neha’s knight in shining armour?” asked Nikhil, poker faced. Neha pinched him lightly, blushing. Hari smiled. “ honoured” he said, looking at Neha. Lila whooped and giggled. She let go of Hari and walked over to Nikhil, hugged him lightly and whispered in his ear “He’s the one. The other one” Nikhil visibly froze and turned slowly to stare at Hari. Oblivious to them, Hari was sitting next to Neha and talking to her in soft tones. Neha was nodding and blushing. Nikhil sighed and relaxed.
“well… atleast we like him” he said and hugged Lila back.

Labels: Magic and Prophesies

Posted by Vodka :: 2:01 PM :: 1 Comments:

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---------------oOo--------------- Monsoon Coffee

She stepped out onto her balcony, a cup of steaming coffee in her hands. The cool breeze brushed past her, a hint of rain in its alluring scent. She tipped her head back and looked up at the dark gathering clouds. It was only 4 in the evening, but it was already becoming dark. The whole city was washed in the pink-orange unearthly light she associated with monsoon. The breeze picked up speed and whistled past the world like a gathering storm. A couple of half naked kids were running around with a kite, trying to make it catch the wild wind. A few women were screeching at them to get back inside the house before the heavens opened and poured forth. Otherwise, there was an ominous silence.

She inhaled the fragrant smell of the coffee and took a big gulp, scalding her tongue, but enjoying the piercing, sharp taste of it. Suddenly, with a roar of thunder, the clouds burst in rain and the monsoon had arrived. She wrinkled her face as a spray of fresh, cold water hit her. But she didn’t move.

“Akka… AKKA…” came insistent summons from her brother’s room. Smiling, she half turned to go in. she stopped. Something had caught her eye. Turning, she stared into the rain. The apartment opposite her balcony had always been empty. Now it wasn’t. a man was standing in the balcony, holding a mug and looking at the children on the road. They had abandoned their kite and were now dancing in the rain to a silent tune. He was laughing at them and shouting something out to them. She leaned forward into the rain, straining to catch his words.

“ hold on, I’m coming down to join you…” she heard him say. She smiled. He had stolen her line.

“AKKA!!” bellowed her brother.
“COMING…” she bellowed back at him and ran inside.
Posted by Vodka :: 1:58 PM :: 3 Comments:

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Wednesday, September 05, 2007

"Love is patient and kind;
Love does not envy or boast;
It is not arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

Corinthians 13:4

This was the verse that figured in "A Walk To Remember". Jamie Sullivan to Landon Carter..

I've seen this movie 7 times in the last 3 weeks. And i cannot get enough of it. Landon Carter is the epitome of true love. He makes her every wish come true. He names a star after her...

Is it any wonder I'm in love with a fictitious character?

And this song...

"There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now you're my only hope


Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again


So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope


I give You my destiny
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back


So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope"
- "Only Hope" Performed by Mandy Moore

My only hope...
To the Best Person I've ever known..
For you..
Posted by Vodka :: 3:36 PM :: 5 Comments:

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Thursday, June 28, 2007

for you..

If you’ll be my star
I’ll be your sky
You can hide underneath me
And come out at night
When I turn jet black
And u show off your light
I live to let you shine
I live to let you shine

You can sky rocket away from me
And never come back if you
Find another galaxy
Far from here
With more room to fly
Just leave me your star dust to remember u by

If u be my boat
Ill be ur sea
A depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity
Ebbing and flowing
And pushed by a breeze
I live to make u free
I live to make u free

But you can set sail to the west if u want to
And pass the horizon till I cant even see you
Far from here where the beaches are white
Just leave me ur wake to remember u by

If you’ll be my star
I’ll be your sky
You can hide underneath me
And come out at night
When I turn jet black
And u show off your light
I live to let you shine
I live to let you shine

But you can sky rocket away from me
And never come back if you
Find another galaxy
Far from here
With more room to fly
Just leave me your star dust to remember u by

Star dust to remember you by

- Gregory and the Hawk
Posted by Vodka :: 4:29 PM :: 4 Comments:

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